Men’s Therapy
Stigma
One of the ironies of men's depression, addiction, or any illness, is that the very forces that contribute to it also prevent us from acknowledging it. Society tells men they shouldn't be vulnerable, that they should rise above pain. A man who succumbs to it often feels ashamed, and this shame may even be felt by his family and friends. Yet I believe this hidden pain is at the core of many of the challenges men face. A common one is unrecognized depression which fuels issues we often associate with men, such as physical illness, substance abuse, domestic violence, relationship struggles, intimacy issues, and career self-sabotage.
We overlook men’s issues because it’s seen as unmanly. The reality of the matter is that only 1 in 10 men seek help in therapy compared to 1 in 4 women, that 6 million men struggle with depression each year, and that men die by suicide 3.5x more than women. Maybe taking our problems seriously is the manliest thing you can do.
How can therapy help?
Most men disconnect from their internal experience. Women are taught to internalize their pain while men are taught to externalize it. In therapy, we will start to reconnect with our own experience. Our culture works hard at distancing men from their emotional experiences and the ability to communicate that. We will build the skills necessary to get closer to our own experience, relearning how to be vulnerable in therapy so that we can be vulnerable in our lives. Accessing your vulnerability will bring connections that we’ve lost with those around us.
We’re learning new ways to be in relation to ourselves and the world that were never taught to men growing up. There will be times we need to revisit our past, our family dynamic and important relationships growing up, to see how they’ve impacted our attachment systems today. We will continue to find insight but more importantly we will feel what needs feelings. There are limited spaces for men to do so these days, it’s an honor to be one of those.
